How to Be the Fattest Business Owner Around

Posted on December 14, 2012

Fat-Belt-3There’s really a massive amount of advice available on the internet on how to do this or improve that in your business. But there’s not that much focusing on us – the humans behind the businesses.

Running a business is a serious job, we all know this. It involves much time and dedication to do it right, and in the end it can force us to spend many hours in front of our computers without any proper physical exercise. And this is where the health and self-esteem problems often arise.

That’s why I decided to create this tutorial and take a 180 degree different approach with it. Instead of telling you how to remain healthy and list a number of things to do (which is boring), I’m going to tell you how to do things the complete wrong way … just to give you a more brutal kick in the butt in case there’s something on this list that you’re already doing…

1. Don’t eat breakfast

Okay, I get this, you’re busy. You don’t have time to get up in the morning, spend 30 minutes in the kitchen to prepare a quality meal, and then to eat it slowly and enjoy each bite.



As seen on Forbes, Mashable,

So instead, you decide to not eat anything at all (or just grab a donut at the coffee stand), and maybe just have your lunch an hour earlier than usual, which should probably deliver the same value nutrition, right?

Well, sure, of course you’re right. Breakfasts are for people who have too much time. If you’re serious about your business then you have to make it the focus point of every hour of your every day.

In a nutshell: Say goodbye to high-protein breakfasts because they are not going to pay your bills for sure!

2. Remain in a seated position all day

Let’s stay on the topic of being busy for a while. Only this time we’re not talking about skipping breakfast, this time it’s about sitting at your desk … always.

How else are you going to get your work done, right? You’re not like most people. You have the unique skill of being able to sit around for 10 hours straight with no harm to your health.

You don’t need to get up, go for a walk, or (have mercy) exercise. The seated position is simply perfect for you. Laugh at people using standing desks and other cool equipment.

The best possible approach to take is to work round the clock, with no breaks! In the 21st century ain’t nobody have time for breaks

3. Think that working out is difficult

Well it just is! Didn’t you see all those sweaty people on treadmills at the local gym? This isn’t for you, for sure. Besides, you’d have to work out consistently every week, not just a couple of times a year to get results.

A lot better alternative is to stay at home and get some serious business stuff done in that time.

And if someone tells you that you don’t even have to make it hard, that working out as little as twice a week for 30 minutes is enough to see a significant improvement in how you feel, they’re lying!

Why would you check out some clever equipment solutions like the Flex Belt (link), for example? You’re way better off not doing anything at all.

You know what, let’s take it one step further. Don’t do any sport whatsoever. Sport is for people with no jobs and no businesses to look after. People with careers don’t do sport.

4. Realize that you don’t have to be fit

This is a mindset that all successful people share. You are simply above this initial, primal level of human characteristics. For people of your significance appearance is not important. It’s what you represent as a businessman that matters, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!

Only young, jobless people with no money worry about looking healthy and feeling good in the morning. Everybody knows this.

Besides, you’re probably after 30 anyway, so you’re not going to get any fitter by definition. There’s no point trying.

Why would you spend time cooking and eating healthy foods when you can simply enjoy a great pizza for less than $20…

5. Think that pills will make you healthy and fit

You love those TV ads, don’t you? The ones that instruct you to buy some pills with cool sounding names like “thermal fat burn formula express.” You believe that they alone can make you healthy, skinny, and enjoying life.

One second you see a fat guy sitting at the office, and the next second he’s walking by the beach with his shirt unbuttoned and his pecks hanging out, and you start thinking that you want to have a walk by the beach like this too. So, you know, just buy the damn pills and make this dream come true.

Don’t mind a healthy diet, don’t mind exercising, don’t mind having any real physical activity, don’t mind quitting smoking, don’t mind taking a divorce from McDonald’s for good, the pill is all you need.

6. Work late night

Most business owners know that working late night is when the most value for a business gets created. A couple of reasons for this. First of all, you’ve probably already drunk your fourth coffee or something, so you’re as energized as you can possibly get.

Secondly, working late will cause you to snack in the midnight. And we all know that there’s nothing more nutritious than a bar of chocolate in the middle of the night.

Thirdly, by sitting in the dark you can improve your eyesight … train it to obtain some kind of ninja-like abilities.

Quite simply, this really is the ultimate step to get you to the point where you’re the fattest business owner around.

Just to recap, the step by step process is really simple, actually:

  1. Don’t eat breakfast.
  2. Take a couple of weight loss pills, and wash them down with a big coffee.
  3. Remain seated for the entire day and don’t even think about working out.
  4. Make sure that you don’t care about your appearance.
  5. Stay up until late night and work your butt off.

Okay, back to the reality. I hope that the above list made you realize how easy it is to get the wrong mindset and fall into a really unhealthy lifestyle in a relatively short period of time.

Fighting all the bad habits described above isn’t even that hard. you just have to be aware of what’s going on and learn how to react fast. Small steps often bring the best results.

If you don’t believe me then just start your day off with a healthy protein-rich breakfast (you don’t even have to prepare it yourself, there are many cool food delivery services, visit this page, for example) and with some quick warm-up (things like jumping jacks, a couple of pushups, arm swings, and so on). You’ll be amazed at how much better you’ll feel throughout the day.

Feel free to comment and let me know what you think about this. Are you guilty of doing any of the things mentioned here?

2 Replies to "How to Be the Fattest Business Owner Around"

  • Barbara Mckinney
    February 5, 2013 (5:17 pm)

    You can’t focus on what you are doing especially when you go to the office with empty stomach. Sometimes we do things which is definitely wrong just to loose weight. If you really want to burn those fats, then you must take time going to the gym or run at least 20 minutes everyday.

  • Matthew
    February 8, 2013 (8:44 am)

    Hi Karol,

    your article has the right dose of sarcasm, which is what makes it enjoyable to read. Good job!

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